It’s always been routine for women to be the caregivers of the home while the men were the bread winners of the home. For decades men have assumed that “sitting home, caring for the children” was the easiest job a woman could ask for. That statement makes it more obvious that men have no idea how “Easy” they’ve had it all these years. Less than half of the population of men are “single dads”, and these fathers have learned first hand what’s involved in raising a child. These men have actually experienced what every mother has had to endure since the beginning of time, and if you said to any of them, “You have the easy job”, they’d beg the differ. It’s obvious which type of dad has no idea what’s involved with taking care of a child. There are four types of parents in this world, mom, the single mother, the dad, and single father. Each parent plays a role in a child’s life, which role does the most seems to be the question, and debate of parenting.
There’s always been a power struggle among men, and women, and that power struggle occurs in almost every area of life that involves the female, and male species. One of the biggest disputes between the two has to do with “parenting”, child support, and who does the most, and who should do more. Typically in a parenting dispute, it’s regarding “Money/Child support”, the other issue of dispute usually involves, “Visitation”. But, “child support” is the most frequent, and talked about, so let’s just jump right into the facts… The average dad would argue with his “baby mama” that the portion of the child support he provide is enough to support his children. He’d also argue that his baby mom is mismanaging his support payments to further argue his case. This is a typical argument, and allegation, and it usually lacks facts, and evidence to support the argument. Most dads don’t have proof to back up their theories, because we all know that caring for a child is “priceless”. It’s are only arguing their point to make themselves feel less guilty about their lack of so that they can sleep at night.
The idea that a parent’s “financial” obligations are greater than, equal than, or even more important than a parent’s “physical” obligations isn’t realistic, fair, and just doesn’t add up, or compare. The problem that men have with”paying child support isn’t that they have to pay child support, but that the amount their obligated to contribute is enough, or too much. Men (Or, Payee) truly believe that they shouldn’t be obligated to pay anymore than what they believe they can afford. In most case studies, the amount that dad’s are comfortable with paying are derived from an income they either have provided off the record, or one that they’ve blatantly lied about. For some reason, it’s almost impossible to convince a man that the amount of support they have been asked to pay, or have been ordered by the courts to pay isn’t enough to meet the basic necessities of the child. This is usually, because the father’s concern is that he’s paying “something”, he’s not concerned whether he’s “paying enough”, which sadly effects the child’s well-being, and childhood.
Usually, when a father doesn’t honestly/properly report his income, or argues that he’s not earning the amount of income required to meet his basic financial obligations, the court will then try to reason with the father by granting him additional time before he’s obligated to start paying, or the courts my only obligate him to pay a minimum of the maximum support required. In this case, the remaining support that’s needed of him automatically falls back on the mother whether she too can afford it. Moms typically become responsible for the short comings of the father’s obligations, because by law the child is considered to be in her custody. Therefore, whether the father can afford to contribute his portion of support, the child is still in need of that support, which forces the mom to have to pick up the slack in order for the child to receive what he/she needs/wants. The father simply has no regard for this, and uses his court ordered pass to his advantage by not contributing at all. Sadly, most fathers are satisfied with this.
Dad’s usually don’t think rationally, or logically when it comes to child support. Most don’t even understand the concept of what “child support” includes. Rather than do their homework to educate, and inform themselves as to exactly what child support involves, they rather dispute, or argue with mom about what “they think” it is. If dad did his research, he’d realize that what they really should be contributing to support their kids are the same contributions they’d be contributing if they were still in the same household as the child.
“When a man resides in the home with the mother, and child he automatically assumes the role of head of the house, and takes on the responsibilities of making sure the household is being provided for. This includes, paying the electric, water, and sewer services, paying the rent, or mortgage each month, ensuring that the vehicles are being serviced, and gassed up, and providing groceries for the home”. The basic needs of the household is met.
So, let’s compare apples to oranges- According to the Department of Agriculture, the average estimated cost of raising a child from the time they are born up until the age 17 is about $233,610 — or as much as almost $14,000 annually, that’s the average for a middle-income couple with two children.–Keep in mind, these averages are estimated for “married-coupled families”. So, if these are the averages for two people living together imagine one person averaging these costs practically alone. “Numbers don’t lie”–
Although both parents have a “financial” obligation to support their children, mom’s obligations, duties, and even financial obligations far exceeds Dad’s. It’s not unusual that dads don’t factor in the idea that it’s mom who does “All the Work”. Dads hardly ever take into account all the “financial” disbursements mom contributes “off the record”. In most cases when the parents are separated, or divorced, the child typically resides with mom, therefore automatically obligating her to fulfill every tedious need, and want not usually mentioned in a divorce degree, or separation agreement. Mom has a greater responsibility to the children, and is effected the most by it.
So, let’s take a walk in mom’s shoes, and see what she goes through on a daily basis. (Remember, some mom’s are doing this all while attending school, and, or working at the same time) I think you’ll find that mom deserves a little more credit, respect, and appreciation after this….
F.Y.I. Some moms are performing these duties for multiple children.
Mom’s basic Daily Duties (The tedious things Moms deal with that dads don’t)
- Wake up every morning, dress, feed, and make sure the kids are groomed, and ready for the day. This includes monitoring their morning routine, and making sure their properly brushing their teeth, dressed, and reminding them to apply their hygiene products
- Attend Teacher/Parent meetings in regards to the child’s academics, and progress, behavior, etc. (2-3 times a term)
- Register kids for school, take the child to get their school shots, and exams.
- Walking/driving them to school, and picking them up
- Taking them to practices (If involved in any sports, etc.)
- Talking to them daily about current issues, the things they experience on a daily basis, etc.
- Getting kids to open up about their thoughts, and opinions.
- Take the time to discuss, and make aware the real life issues that they may face (Personal Therapy sessions)
- Schedule doctor’s appointments, and complete all necessary forms each time the child has a dentist check up, emergency care visit, and primary care visit. This process is performed for each child. Not all appointments are always scheduled on the same day. (All which occur within the same calendar year, and sometimes within the same month)
- Make time to actually take the kids shopping. This is usually an all day process, and is very stressful. (It’s easy to just give mom money to go shopping, the work is the shopping)
- Always being mentally prepared to discuss issues raised by the kids. (Bullying, Image issues, Boys/girls issues of interest, friendship issues, etc.)
- Teaching the children basic cleaning, and cooking skills, and teaching them how to be responsible, and organized (Talking to them daily about these things to ensure they learn)
- Staying involved in their life daily to observe whether their suffering from depression, or any type of peer pressure to prevent any sudden deaths, tragedies, or possible suicides
Basically, mom is doing the most while dad spends less than half the time, effort, and sacrifices moms make on a daily basis. On top of that, she’s dealing with the emotional, physical, financial, and economical stress of taking care of the kids 24 hours a day, 7 days a week while she’s also working, going to school, and, or starting a business to better herself. It only looks easy, because she’s mastered the art of parenting, but it’s definitely a task, exhausting, and is a FULL-TIME JOB!…without pay!
Mom’s “Off The Record” Financial Contributions
- Mom pays for the small things that add up each time a trip is taken to the grocery store (Candy, dolls, toys, the latest tv gadgets, and the things kids see in the checkout line)
- Mom pays for the additional birthday party, or any celebratory supplies needed to plan the perfect party experience (Dad only contributes to the birthday present, which rarely cost over $20, and half the cost of the venue, or hall where party will take place)
- Mom pays for the personal hygiene products, and grooming products needed to groom child (Dad isn’t thinking about factoring in the costs of combs, bras, panties, hair care, deodorant, lotion, sanitary napkins for the girls, or hair brushes, lotion, deodorant, underwear, tank tops, socks, and necessities for the boys)
- Mom pays for the cost of gas in the car to transport the child to school, appointments, and academic activities (Dad doesn’t even include gas as a part of his obligation even though the gas is necessary since it’s required to transport his kids)
- Mom pays for the cost of the utilities for the shelter that provides a home for the child (Dad doesn’t feel he’s obligated to contribute to these since he doesn’t reside in the home, even though these things are necessary to well-being of the child, and since his children make use of these everyday)
- Mom pays the rent each month (Dad doesn’t feel obligated to contribute to this either since he doesn’t reside in the home even though a roof over his children’s head is another necessity required for the well-being of his children)
- Mom pays the extra expenses in school snacks, lunches for the kids for school field trips, aftercare program stays, and/or daily consumption upon the child’s hunger. (Dad doesn’t contribute to this)
- Mom pays for co-pays for unexpected doctor visits, emergency care visits, out-of-pocket expenses such as braces, eye glasses, contacts, dermatology services, x-rays, and exams, etc. not covered by insurance (Dad usually isn’t even aware of these expenses since he’s content with only providing his “Minimum” contribution, therefore mom already knows he’s not going to do any extra based on his child support payment history)
- Mom pays the life insurance policies (Dad doesn’t even feel life insurance is important, but usually argues this point to keep the amount of his obligations low.
These are just a few…..
Dads Vs. Fathers!
There’s a huge difference between a “Father”, and a “Dad”. Fathers are eager, and willing to do all that is necessary to ensure that their children are well taken care of. Fathers also have compassion, and appreciation for the mother his children, and makes efforts to go far, and beyond than just doing his part. He doesn’t require the mother to contribute any financial obligation, because he understand her job, and role is far more greater than his. He takes pride in being the sole financial provider whether he resides in the home, or not. (This depends on the father’s financial ability to take on this responsibility solely). If a father isn’t earning the amount of income needed to solely provide for his kids, he then uses his time to pick up the slack by steeping in, and taking the load off the mother by assisting in transporting the kids to school, doctor appointments, and even doing a little grocery shopping on her behalf just to make things less stressful for mom. “Fathers” aren’t concerned about what mom is doing with the money as long as she’s taking care of his kids. He isn’t concerned about whether mom is dating, or living her life as she please.
“Dads” simply unapologetically, and selfishly have no regard, or concern to how much mom does for his kids. He doesn’t care to make mom’s life easier at all. Dads spend most of their time trying discredit mom’s parenting skills, and is usually the cause of mom’s stress. Dads are also “Petty” they’re always in competition with mom, always trying to prove a point that mom isn’t going to have things her way, and going out of his way to do the opposite of what mom needs him to do, smh. Dads use the excuse that “They’re working, or have things to do” when their expected to step in, and contribute with the physical aspects of parenting ( as if mom doesn’t also work, and have things to do, smh) Instead of contributing to the “physical” aspects of his obligations to support his children when he’s unable to meet the “financial” aspects of his support, he does nothing. “Dads” are more concerned about what mom is doing with the child support money rather than focusing on the fact that the kids are being provided for. Dads are bothered by who mom is dating, and even puts his obligations on the other man instead of continuing to do what he’s supposed to do simply, because he’s the child’s father.
Dads just need to learn how to be fathers, and they’d realize that co-parenting isn’t difficult at all.
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